Brainwashing: A process of manipulating and modifying a person’s emotions, attitudes and beliefs.
Cognitive Dissonance: Stress, anxiety or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more
contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with
existing beliefs, ideas, or values.
Crazy making: A form of psychological abuse, where the abuser sets the victim up for failure, as nothing the
victim ever does is right. Crazy making behaviour is also due to “gaslighting,” and can also involve “word
salad”.
Dosing: Small and temporary revivals of the idealise phase where the abuser gives his/her victim “doses” of
attention, affection (love bombing) and hope to keep them in, or suck them back into, the relationship.
Gaslighting: A form of abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favour the abuser,
or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and
sanity.
Grooming: A calculated and predatory act of manipulating another individual into subtly and slowly taking
on a set of behaviours and actions that makes the victim more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more
vulnerable to abusive behaviour.
Hoovering: A manipulative technique named after the Hoover vacuum, and used by abusers to “suck” their
victims back into the relationship. Hoovering consists of any attempt to communicate with the victim. It is
often done in the form of text messages, phone calls, emails, through mutual friends, family or “accidentally”
bumping into the victim. Multiple forms of manipulative messages can be used, from just saying hello, to I love
you, or more aggressive or provoking messages such as suicide threats, outright lies.
Love Bombing: Phase one of the cycle of abuse. This stage often involves constant communication and
compliments and is designed to lure the victim into (or back into) the relationship.
Normalising: A tactic used to desensitise an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviours.
Once the behaviour is seen as normal, then the victim is more prone to taking part in it.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): According to the mental health charity MIND, PTSD is a type of
anxiety disorder which you may develop after being involved in, or witnessing, traumatic events. The condition
was first recognised in war veterans and has been known by a variety of names, such as ‘shell shock’. But it’s
not only diagnosed in soldiers – a wide range of traumatic experiences can cause PTSD.
Silent Treatment: A manipulative and emotionally/psychologically abuse technique where one partner cuts
off verbal communication with another for more than a reasonable amount of time where one would need
to “cool off”. An abuser will often give the silent treatment as a result of a fight with the victim. The silent
treatment can range from days to weeks (or longer), and is used to communicate the abuser’s displeasure,
disapproval and contempt toward the victim. During this time the victim becomes so uneasy that they are
walking on eggshells, and will do just about anything, including forgiving the abuser of whatever event
triggered the silent treatment to start.
Stonewalling: Is a general refusal to communicate or cooperate and is sometimes accompanied by the
“silent treatment”. The act of stonewalling is emotionally exhausting for the victim, as they are the ones left to
do all the work (emotionally or physically).
Triangulation: Creating some form of drama or chaos, with the abuser in the middle, generally involving two
rivals, and manipulating them into a conflict with each other. This either done for the entertainment of the
abuser or to deflect blame/accountability from themselves.
Walking on Eggshells: Watching what you say or do around a certain person because anything might set him
or her off.
Word Salad: Is recognisable through circular conversations and repetition, lack of logic, sweeping
generalisations, use of words that are disjointed or unrelated to context, and contradictions. Essentially, it
consists of a lack of semantic fluidity. The rationale with this strategy is to demonstrate that there is no solution
the abuser can be a part of because, the victim is the problem. Repetition eventually wears the victim out and
they give up in exhaustion.
Cognitive Dissonance: Stress, anxiety or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more
contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with
existing beliefs, ideas, or values.
Crazy making: A form of psychological abuse, where the abuser sets the victim up for failure, as nothing the
victim ever does is right. Crazy making behaviour is also due to “gaslighting,” and can also involve “word
salad”.
Dosing: Small and temporary revivals of the idealise phase where the abuser gives his/her victim “doses” of
attention, affection (love bombing) and hope to keep them in, or suck them back into, the relationship.
Gaslighting: A form of abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favour the abuser,
or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and
sanity.
Grooming: A calculated and predatory act of manipulating another individual into subtly and slowly taking
on a set of behaviours and actions that makes the victim more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more
vulnerable to abusive behaviour.
Hoovering: A manipulative technique named after the Hoover vacuum, and used by abusers to “suck” their
victims back into the relationship. Hoovering consists of any attempt to communicate with the victim. It is
often done in the form of text messages, phone calls, emails, through mutual friends, family or “accidentally”
bumping into the victim. Multiple forms of manipulative messages can be used, from just saying hello, to I love
you, or more aggressive or provoking messages such as suicide threats, outright lies.
Love Bombing: Phase one of the cycle of abuse. This stage often involves constant communication and
compliments and is designed to lure the victim into (or back into) the relationship.
Normalising: A tactic used to desensitise an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviours.
Once the behaviour is seen as normal, then the victim is more prone to taking part in it.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): According to the mental health charity MIND, PTSD is a type of
anxiety disorder which you may develop after being involved in, or witnessing, traumatic events. The condition
was first recognised in war veterans and has been known by a variety of names, such as ‘shell shock’. But it’s
not only diagnosed in soldiers – a wide range of traumatic experiences can cause PTSD.
Silent Treatment: A manipulative and emotionally/psychologically abuse technique where one partner cuts
off verbal communication with another for more than a reasonable amount of time where one would need
to “cool off”. An abuser will often give the silent treatment as a result of a fight with the victim. The silent
treatment can range from days to weeks (or longer), and is used to communicate the abuser’s displeasure,
disapproval and contempt toward the victim. During this time the victim becomes so uneasy that they are
walking on eggshells, and will do just about anything, including forgiving the abuser of whatever event
triggered the silent treatment to start.
Stonewalling: Is a general refusal to communicate or cooperate and is sometimes accompanied by the
“silent treatment”. The act of stonewalling is emotionally exhausting for the victim, as they are the ones left to
do all the work (emotionally or physically).
Triangulation: Creating some form of drama or chaos, with the abuser in the middle, generally involving two
rivals, and manipulating them into a conflict with each other. This either done for the entertainment of the
abuser or to deflect blame/accountability from themselves.
Walking on Eggshells: Watching what you say or do around a certain person because anything might set him
or her off.
Word Salad: Is recognisable through circular conversations and repetition, lack of logic, sweeping
generalisations, use of words that are disjointed or unrelated to context, and contradictions. Essentially, it
consists of a lack of semantic fluidity. The rationale with this strategy is to demonstrate that there is no solution
the abuser can be a part of because, the victim is the problem. Repetition eventually wears the victim out and
they give up in exhaustion.
